


Effigies

by sionnacha



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, Child Soldiers, Gen, Guilt, Hero Worship, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24389413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sionnacha/pseuds/sionnacha
Summary: “It’s good to see you,” Mikasa lies, returning the salute, but feeling that deep down it was all wrong. Her one-time display of power had managed to embolden this girl, this child. And here she was, pledging herself to fight a battle that has too many variables. She wants to say go home, go back to Trost, that nothing could be worth the pain her mother will feel when she finds that her daughter has perished for a convoluted cause.-Louise vies for the attention that Mikasa does not want to give her.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman & Louise
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	Effigies

**Author's Note:**

> This was part of a series of fics that no one really read (probably due to the explicit warning on series), so I'm posting them separately. Not keen on this one, but didn't feel too much like fixing it either.

When she sees Louise it fills her with dread. She’s amongst the newest of recruits into the Survey Corps, and she stands with fist over her chest, proclaiming how she will devote her heart. It instills even more dread when she sees Louise level her gaze at her, looking away from Hange, through them, to Mikasa… And she smiles.

Afterwards, Mikasa sees Louise, pass through the crowds of recruits and practically sprints at her. 

Her face is lit by a grin, positively gleaming. “I followed you into the Scouts,” she says, breathless from trying to reach Mikasa before she managed to leave the gathering, eyes flickering nervously to where Eren is stood nearby chatting with Armin. The admiration she sees in Louise’s face as she looks at both of them does nothing to quell the dread she felt before, instead it makes it even more tangible. “When I saw you take down that titan, I knew that I wanted to fight alongside you,” she says the words to Mikasa with her fist once again pressed over her chest, a blush settling over her.

“It’s good to see you,” Mikasa lies, returning the salute, but feeling that deep down it was all wrong. Her one-time display of power had managed to embolden this girl, this child. And here she was, pledging herself to fight a battle that has too many variables. She wants to say go home, go back to Trost, that nothing could be worth the pain her mother will feel when she finds that her daughter has perished for a convoluted cause.

She had first seen Louise with a batch of recruits not long after the journey past the walls; Mikasa was something of an example to prospective soldiers. They all wanted to learn from her, wanted to know what made her tick: after all, she had been an exemplary student, the best to ever come through the trainee corps. She remembers so clearly seeing the girl fumble with her 3DMG, and she had hoped desperately that she would improve, that she would be good enough to enter the Military Police, or if not,the Garrison, that she wouldn’t dare join the Scouts. She recalls Louise chasing her down, pulling on her overcoat, telling her that she wanted to get better and become a great soldier. “My name is Louise,” she had said upon their her first proper introduction—cheeks rosy with the chill of the wind, the familiar face evoking painful memories and a throbbing headache.

And now she stands, fresh and determined to fight. Mikasa hates it.

As with many new recruits, they are always eager to catch Mikasa’s ear, and no other recruit was as persistent as Louise. Everyday would result in a barrage of questions, and Mikasa did her best to answer them; there was often repetition too, but Mikasa had figured that it was the result of Louise being keen to speak with her, rather than actually wanting to know anything of substance.

One evening, Mikasa is sat out on the training grounds, watching Sasha and Eren shoot at targets—of course it is not long before Louise arrives, but it is a surprise to Mikasa that this time she doesn’t speak at all. Her arms are folded, propped up on her knees, chin resting on her forearms; Mikasa can see her sneaking glances at her, and then over at Eren.

“What is it?” Mikasa tries, patience wearing thin.

Louise, if startled by Mikasa’s tone, doesn’t show it; she straightens her arms and legs and leans back, as if to gauge Mikasa from behind.

“What is Mr. Yeager to you?”

Mikasa almost wants to tell her that it’s none of her business. There was always discussion about her and Eren going on in the background. She disliked how often their relationship was questioned and scrutinised, how there were always whispers about how they met, about what had happened. She looks at Louise now—face pale, but lit with enough inquisitive sincerity to make her think that this was a more innocent line of inquiry.

“He’s a very dear friend,” is the simple reply, and upon the moment she says it, she can see the change in Louise’s face as she absorbs the information… It makes her fill with regret instantly. Soon after she excuses herself from the training field, telling Louise that she has some paperwork to attend to. The girl remains behind, watching her leave, then training her eyes on Mr. Yeager himself.

Meetings with Louise are far and few in-between then: but she can feel the girl’s presence always watching, always observing the relationships that Mikasa cultivated with others. It had dawned on her that the girl had a new found interest in Eren, much like Floch and other recruits did. That fact never did sit well with Mikasa since Eren’s rhetoric and beliefs slowly began to filter amongst the lower ranks in the Survey Corps: Marley were the enemy—trying to create ties with them was worthless time wasting, it was utterly futile.

In Liberio she calls and shouts for Eldia, upholding the name of the Empire, and when she does, she looks into Mikasa’s eyes, ever so desperately looking for kind words and praise, wanting to be told that the path she took was the correct one. It was wrong, it was all so terribly wrong. Amongst the rubble there were Eldian refugees, and here was the new Eldian Empire proclaiming a virtuous victory whilst the others are left to suffer.

Later on, Louise is jailed, and Mikasa comes to the conclusion that this girl does not know her—even after all the time spent together, all the times where Louise had remarked on wanting to be close to her. How she had clambered on and dug her claws into a Mikasa that never existed, how she had gone searching for the hero there never was. Mikasa sees her eying the scarf—gaze flickering between the fabric and Mikasa’s gaze. Then comes the questions, about Eren, again, wanting to know the significance of their relationship. This time, it really is none of her business: “Shut your mouth.”

Days later Mikasa watches Louise die in front of her. Shrapnel lodged in the girl’s gut, and now her mother will actually have to be told of what happened. The girl is wearing her scarf; she knew that she would have it. Louise wanted to be close to her, and if stealing personal possessions would allow for that, then so be it—Mikasa would be getting rid of it, after all, Mr.Yeager had said so.

It is a miserable sight: the girl’s face is hallowed and pale, eyes darkening and succumbing to dreariness. She laments on how she will never see the creation of Eren Yeager’s new world, but she wants Mikasa to know that she doesn’t regret following her, doesn’t regret devoting her heart. Mikasa watches on as Louise speaks tiredly, unable to foster sympathy for the girl, but rather letting feelings of anger begin to fester. Was she the cause of this? Did Louise follow Eren so to be closer to her? Was her triumph in Trost the catalyst for this? Mikasa does not know.

Mikasa walks away from the girl—fist enclosed around the fabric with a instructions to adhere to: get rid of it.

She turns to look at Louise as she goes, and upon catching sight of the ghostly girl laying quietly with her eyes shut.

 _No_ , she thinks, clenching around the scarf even tighter, _I shall do no such thing_.


End file.
